I discussed Bids and Turning in my last post about the teachings of psychologist John Gottman. Another one of Gottman's teachings has to do with the emotional bank account, a concept I'd like to talk about today. You can probably anticipate the basic concept, but it has some surprising implications for your relationships.

The concept of the emotional bank account is modeled after your financial bank account. We all know that we must continually make deposits into our bank accounts. If we don't, we will soon find ourselves overdrawn and in deep financial difficulties. The same is true of your emotional bank account. By turning toward your partner many times and in many ways throughout the day, you are making deposits into the emotional bank account. Turning away or turning against your partner depletes the bank account and causes you to experience relational difficulties. Think about ways that you can build up that bank account so that you will have a surplus when you most need it and not experience those relational overdraft fees!

One not-very-surprising premise is that you must have positives in your relationship to counteract the negatives. The surprising thing, however, is that it takes more positives to counteract negatives during times of apparent peace than during times of conflict. Let me explain. If you and your partner are arguing or in the middle of some other kind of tense situation, the expectation that one or the other person will be negative is understood. Research claims that it takes five positives to counteract a negative in the heat of conflict. And if you have been making regular contributions to your emotional bank account you will hopefully have built up a reserve to tide you over during times of conflict.

If, however, you say or do something negative during times of relative peace, the ratio changes. Researchers have argued that a negative that comes unexpectedly and catches the partner by surprise requires 20 positives to counteract it. An unexpected nasty remark or hurtful behavior, when the other person thinks things are going along smoothly, will cost you dearly. Bank penalties, interest, fees, the whole market crashing around your very feet!

Hopefully, you can see that this emotional bank account needs daily deposits, few withdrawals, and a lot of attention to make your relationship stable - and enjoyable! The deposits don't have to be grandiose gestures (although flowers, a date night, or a favorite meal couldn't hurt), but small acts of kindness throughout the day, an attitude of positive regard towards each other, and the willingness to give your partner the benefit of the doubt when things are rocky!

A friend recently told me "It seems that you love children's books as much as I love chocolate!" And it is true - my love for children's books is close to an addiction. Every time I walk into a children's bookstore, I can't walk out empty-handed and I certainly can't walk the aisles without peeking at every new cover.

So when I recently picked up a copy of Feeding Penny Pig, I was hooked on the concept and knew that I wanted a copy for my own daughter. Filled with beautiful illustrations and bright, crispy pages, Feeding Penny Pig is the story of a little girl, Laney, who learns about the importance of responsibility and earning money. Laney receives a very special piggy bank as a gift from her grandmother, and she learns that her piggy bank is very hungry for coins. Through taking care of the piggy bank, doing chores and earning money, Laney begins to understand the concept of responsibility at a young age.

The book is ideal for children three years and older who are ready to learn about money, doing chores and earning an allowance.

I contacted the author, Jeannine Fox (or "Mimi" as her grandchildren call her) to inquire about her inspiration for the story.

Annie: What inspired you to write about a book about understanding money and its related responsibilities for young children?

Jeannine: One of the first things I bought for my first grandchild when she was born was a $5 piggy bank. It sat on her dresser for three years hoping people would put coins in it. The book just came to me one day as I was thinking about Laney's fourth birthday coming up. I wrote it in 30 minutes and there has been very little changed. It seems to have taken on a life of its own and I realize now that, even though my life has seemed to push me into finance, my heart has always been to be a mother, and now a grandmother which is so much more fun. I'm hoping to do other books, all focusing on responsibility - it can be fun!

I feel like I'm being given the opportunity to do what I was born to do: Teach kids about being good, responsible citizens. Part of that is learning how to handle money.

Today, the future for our kids doesn't look as bright as it did for my kids.

We can't do a lot about what has happened to the finances of our country, but we can prepare our children to accept responsibility for their own lives and prepare for their futures. The JumpStart Coalition is working on high school students, and even Warren Buffett has indicated that he intends to do some things there. However, while I think that's great and needs to be done, habits which are started when a child is in preschool and elementary school seem to last and be easier to instill. That's what I'm hoping to do.

Annie: What is your best piece of advice for give parents raising young children?

Jeannine: Best piece of advice: This is more as a grandmother - When your grandchildren are around, don't plan anything else. Play with them - puzzles, games, tea parties, etc. As a mother: Forgive yourself for not being perfect, love your kids unconditionally and listen more than you talk (my biggest challenge).

To purchase this fabulous book or Mimi's other educational products, visit her website. In addition to stocking Mimi's book, the site is chock full of adorable piggy banks, educational DVDs, puzzles, books, games, toys and responsibility charts. It also has a very creative sections on fun food recipes to make with kids!

I hope you enjoy Mimi's books and activities as much as we have!

And just to let readers know, this will be my final post for the Tranquil Parent. I recently started a private practice in Denver, CO, and I am busier than I ever imagined, so I will be spending more time with my blossoming practice! I have really enjoyed blogging for the website and interacting with my readers, so thank you so much for your support and interest.

I saw a theme of food and children this week while I was going through my RSS feeds and wanted to link to a few posts that offer important reminders or information for me, and might help you too.

Tara from Feels Like Home reminds us that When We Know Better, We Do Better on using food for rewards and punishments. She describes receiving an email that "went on to describe ways that parents could help their children avoid behaviors that lead to obesity. I read intently, excited to see some concrete and specific actions I could take to help Gracie avoid the weight issues I'vesuffered my entire life."

Annie over at PhD in Parenting writes about Olympians and their McDonald's sponsorships, something we have discussed with our five-year-old as we've watched several OIympic events with keen interest. In Annie's post, she writes:

But when I'm trying to convince my kids that McDonald's is not good for you, that fast food will make you sick if you eat it too often, they get to see their Olympic heroes smiling and talking about how great McDonald's is and how much they love it. Mommy isn't an Olympian. If I want to achieve something big like those Olympians, I'd better listen to them instead of listening to Mommy.

I'd like to say my kids are smarter than that, but who am I kidding? They are five and almost three. Advertising works on them.

Katy Farber from Non-Toxic Kids has a guest post addressing Childhood and Obesity:

Studies have shown that obese children tend to have a smaller circle of close friends, leading to isolation and loneliness. Parents often join in the torment even if they are overweight. It can be difficult to escape from the self-image of unattractiveness and body dissatisfaction.

As we've watched the Olympics, we've taken the route of laughing at the commercials featuring the kiddie hockey team that "played like Olympians" and were rewarded with McDonald's chicken nuggets, and Z has picked up the thread and begun scoffing whenever a McDonald's commercial comes on. It's hard to say how deep this early version of critical engagement with advertising really runs, but maybe mimicry is the first step!

There has also been some interesting discussion surrounding our posting of Jamie Oliver's talk at TED regarding the epidemic of childhood obesity in this country, and the potential consequences of it for the lifespans and adult health of our children. While we think the primary commenter has some excellent points regarding our knowledge of obesity and its effects, our main point still stands - current mortality rates can tell you little to nothing about mortality rates under changing conditions, and those who claim "the sky is not falling" fail to understand the basic function and limitations of these statistics. If you'd like to enter the discussion with any observations or thoughts of your own, please do!