So many women share with us that once they become mothers, a good night's sleep is a distant memory. At first, pregnancy hormones and body discomfort disrupt sleep, then the early days of postpartum bring many wakings from baby. But many mothers report insomnia lasting a couple of years after their child's birth. Which begs the question: Once baby starts to sleep, how can mama make sure she can get to a good night's sleep again as soon as possible?

We interviewed licensed psychologist Jan DeRoest for some practical tips for new moms. She offers a workshop called Everything you wanted to know about sleep but were too tired to ask.

The Tranquil Parent: What happens to a mother’s sleep once she has a baby?

Jan DeRoest: Research indicates the first month postpartum has the greatest amount of reported sleep problems, even more so for first-time mothers. Usually there is a gradual increase in sleep time over the next 2-4 months as the infant's circadian rhythms mature. Breast feeding has been shown to increase slow-wave (restorative) sleep, possibly due to some connection with prolactin.

Often women get overtired from these first few months of many night wakings and lose their own routine of healthy sleep. Also, hormones take time to regulate after having a baby, especially if you are breastfeeding.

TTP: What is the difference between “normal” sleep challenges and true insomnia?

DeRoest: Insomnia is considered chronic when it persists for over a month. About 10 to 15 percent of adults report chronic insomnia. Stress or worry is thought to cause about 50 percent of insomnia. Other causes can include pain, digestive problems, sleep disorders (sleep apnea, restless legs, narcolepsy, etc.), depression, anxiety and some medications. Symptoms of insomnia can include difficulty falling or staying asleep, waking frequently at night, being unable to return to sleep, waking too early in the morning, unrefreshing sleep, daytime sleepiness, difficulty concentrating and irritability. If sleep problems persist for a few weeks or more, or if you experience distress and discomfort as a result of insomnia, you should consult a doctor. Bring a record of your sleep, levels of fatigue during the day, and any other symptoms you may be having.

TTP: What can mama do to finally get some sleep, once her baby is sleeping well?

DeRoest: Some ways to help promote sleep include:

• Good sleep hygiene - use the bedroom only for sleep and sex


• Establish a regular bedtime and bedtime routine and stick to it


• Get up at the same time every morning


• Make sure the bedroom is quiet, cool, dark and comfortable


• Don’t consume caffeine, nicotine or alcohol late in the day


• Exercise every day but not within three hours of bedtime


• Avoid daytime naps


• Avoid heavy meals several hours before bedtime, but a light snack before bed (like a couple of crackers with milk) may help some people


• Take warm baths/showers approximately one hour before bed

TTP: What are some natural techniques that help for sleep problems?

DeRoest: There are many natural techniques that can help with sleep!

Here are some that are reported to work:

• Relaxation exercises, guided imagery, meditation, hypnosis and biofeedback


• Stimulus control (only go to bed when sleepy, get out of bed when awake more then 15 minutes, do something boring, return to bed only when sleepy)


• Acupressure and acupuncture


• Aromatherapy (especially jasmine and lavender)


• Chamomile tea (no scientific evidence that it works, but lots of anecdotal testimony that it does help)


• Light therapy (use of certain light frequencies to shift your circadian rhythms back to day/night)

Medications/herbal remedies include:

• Antihistamines (Diphenhydramine/Benadryl, Chlorpheniramine, Lortadine)


• Melatonin (naturally secreted by the pineal gland in brain, works with circadian rhythms – best for jetlag)


• Kava (member of the pepper family, possesses centrally-acting skeletal muscle relaxant, anticonvulsant properties)


• Valerian (adverse effects can include abdominal pain, chest tightness, tremors, lightheadedness)


• Passion flower


• Skullcap

But please consult your care provider before trying any medications or herbal remedies.

Jan also offered the following recommended resources for more information:

• National Sleep Foundation


• Sleep Medicine Network


• Max Hirshkowitz, PhD & Patricia Smith,Sleep Disorders for Dummies

Jan DeRoest, Psy.D. can be reached at jderoest@comcast.net if you have more questions. If you are in Portland, Oregon, she offers workshops locally.

Have you ever experienced a tense parenting moment like one of these: Your child is having a meltdown at the grocery store and other parents are glaring at you (why can’t you control your own child?) while you calmly work with your child. Or, your still-nursing toddler asks for more “milkies” on the airplane and you are seated between two older women who look at you in shock as you begin to feed her. Or, your in-laws find out you are co-sleeping with your baby and say, “You know, he will never want to sleep by himself now...” with looks of pained judgment. Whether you describe these practices as attachment parenting or just your personal style of raising your child, progressive attitudes towards discipline, breastfeeding, and sleeping arrangements are all ideas that fly in the face of what many in the post-parent generations knew of as "the right way to do things."

If you are finding intergenerational or parent-on-parent conflict due to your progressive parenting, take heart: You are far from alone! Many parents are choosing a progressive style of parenting, attachment parenting or otherwise, that challenges mainstream ideas. While the personal variations on progressive parenting trends are endless, parents who are putting these ideas into action all seem to have one thing in common: They often feel judged or like they don’t quite “fit in.”

Here are six ways you can reduce pressure on yourself to "perform" for those who disapprove of AP-style parenting.

1. Surround yourself with other parents who are making similar choices. Brainstorm ideas together and support each other when you are feeling challenged. Of course you are going to still have friends and family members who might not agree with (or understand) extended breastfeeding, babywearing, co-sleeping, or nurturing touch, but make sure you have enough people in your life who do.


2. When you are challenged by someone about your parenting, don’t defend yourself. This might seem counter-intuitive, but the truth is, you don’t have to explain yourself or your actions to anyone! If you do, you end up trying to justify your reasons which automatically puts you in the position of being “wrong.” Say something simple such as “we are doing what feels best to us,” and move on. If someone is really curious (and not judging you) then you will naturally feel comfortable sharing information.


3. Lighten the mood. When someone questions you by saying “he is still nursing?” make light of it and say something funny like: “I am sure he will be done before high school!” Humor like this can diffuse the energy without accepting their criticism, and also keeps you from going into anger mode - which would only make them feel more self-righteous!


4. Model your beliefs rather than preach them. If you feel strongly about respecting children and don’t feel that spanking is healthy for children, be an advocate for them by showing a different way that works and matches your values.


5. If they won't let it go, ask them questions, with curiosity of your own. Many people have never thought about why they think the way they do. “Why do you think it is good for kids to cry alone in a room at night?” Often mainstream thinking is just what “everyone does” or is based on anecdotal experience or unfounded assumptions. Remember to maintain a non-judgmental attitude, especially if that is what you are wanting to experience in return, but don't be afraid to question the "facts" others challenge you with.


6. Remain open to other points of view, especially if you are feeling unsure of something you're doing. If there is a practice you are following just because you think you should, or because it fits into a larger philosophy you have identified with, but it isn’t really working for you or your child, it might be time to try something new. Often, the choices we are feeling the most defensive about are the ones that we are ourselves doubting. When someone challenges you, it is a great opportunity to reevaluate you own motivations.

What choices are you making in your parenting that are challenging to mainstream thinking? How do you handle being challenged about them by others?

It has been a rough year for many families dealing with winter colds, flu and infections. I interviewed naturopathic physician Holly Beckwith to find out more about how parents can support their kids’ immune systems year-round.

The Tranquil Parent: What can parents do to keep their kids healthy?

Holly Beckwith: There are a few key things that parents can do to help support their child's immune system year-round. Eating a healthy, well-rounded diet is very important. I think it is essential to eat seasonal, locally grown foods. Unfortunately, that means no peaches in January! A breastfeeding mama should eat lots of fruit and vegetables, especially dark leafy greens such as kale and collard greens. If your little one is having a hard time eating a variety of fresh fruits and veggies, then I would recommend a multivitamin. I am not a big proponent of supplementation for kids, but I think a multivitamin, especially during the cold and flu season, is warranted.

The two supplements that have a positive effect on the immune system are probiotics and fish oil. Probiotics are the healthy bacteria found in our guts. A child's gut can lack enough of these healthy bacteria if they have ever been on antibiotics or if their mom was on antibiotics during pregnancy, they were born via c-section (babies are inoculated with this good bacteria as they pass through the birth canal), or if their digestive system isn't working properly. Fish oil contains omega-3 fatty acids that have immune boosting properties, as well as a whole host of other benefits. I like using cod liver oil in the winter because it contains Vitamin D. Vitamin D is also very important for immune health.

TTP: If a child is already getting sick, what can we do to help them fight the infection?

Beckwith: First, determine what kind of infection they are fighting. If it is a basic cold, I would encourage the child to rest as much as possible, exclude sugar and dairy from the diet and increase fluids.

I am a big fan of using hydrotherapy with kids. Alternating hot and cold towels to the chest or sinuses can help loosen phlegm and relieve symptoms. A recent study was published that compared cough medicine to honey. The honey actually worked better than the cold medicine to relieve the cough. I recommend a teaspoon of raw local honey for children older than one year every few hours [Editor’s note: Doctors say to never give honey to a child under one year old due to certain bacteria they cannot tolerate].

Herbs such as Echinacea and Oregon-grape can be used at the first sign of a cold. It is important to establish a relationship with a practitioner who is experienced in using herbs to ensure safety and to get the proper dosage. I often find the dosage for an acute illness has to be high for the first few days and then can be tapered off as the child gets well.

Breastfeeding moms can take immune stimulating herbs, like Echinacea, to treat infants through breast milk. I have recently been using high dose Vitamin D to treat certain illnesses with great results. I would recommend this only under the supervision of a physician due to the risk of overdose.

TTP: How can parents determine when to treat a fever?

Beckwith: Fever is one of the most common concerns parents have when their child is sick. Fever is not a disease, but just a symptom of the body fighting an infection. In most cases, it is clear what is causing the fever: usually an ear infection, stomach virus or sore throat. If the cause is not known and the fever is getting worse over the course of a few days, it is important to rule out urinary tract infection and other more serious illnesses. As a general rule of thumb, I ask parents how their child is acting. If they are eating and drinking, happy and playing normally, then I say to let the fever do its job. If they are not drinking fluids and acting lethargic or really upset, then I tell them to bring the fever down. I do not focus on the number on the thermometer but on the way the child is acting.

Dehydration can occur quickly in babies and children so it is very important to keep a close eye on them during a fever. Fevers will often spike during the night. Before reaching for the Tylenol, try a tepid bath. This is very effective at bringing down the fever. Homeopathy can also help with fever and make the child more comfortable.

Dr. Holly Beckwith has a family practice in Portland, Oregon. She loves encouraging her patients to live as healthy and happy as possible!