Is it difficult for you to ask for help or seek support from other people? If so, you are not alone! From a young age, many of us have learned that asking for help is a sign of weakness. This fear often keeps us isolated from the very people who would love to be there for us!

I'm here to tell you that asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of intelligence.

If you are going to be the kind of parent you want to be along with having a satisfying professional/personal life, keeping your household going, nurturing your most important relationships and contributing to your community, you need support.

You probably know what it feels like when you need more help. You are tired and overwhelmed. Maybe you feel resentful or have a short fuse. You can’t seem to find the time or energy to take care of yourself and you constantly feel like you are behind schedule, falling short of your own standards and not being the parent you know you could be. You might complain that the weight of the world is on your shoulders, you feel like you are drowning/sinking or you just can’t get caught up. All you want to do is escape (and often you do by watching TV, eating comfort foods or zoning out in front of the computer). All of these are symptoms of a need for more support.

So, why don't we ask for help?

• We are afraid we will appear weak or needy.


• It is too hard to explain how to do it “ right” to someone else.


• We don’t want to be disappointed by others.


• We don’t want to be rejected.


• We don’t want to owe anyone anything.


• "I can do it better."


• We don’t want to inconvenience anyone.

All of these reasons are great excuses for not seeking support, but are they really valid? Ask yourself: "If my friend asked me to help him with a computer problem, would I judge him as weak? If my sister wanted my support with a challenge in her life, would I then feel she owes me something?" And maybe you can do a job better than someone else, but is doing it better or being right really your ultimate goal? Sometimes, we choose between being in control and being happy!

What are some good reasons to allow others to help?

• People feel valued and respected by you for their contributions when you let them help you. As humans, one of our primary desires is to contribute to each other.


• You empower others. You teach them to trust themselves, to be resourceful and take responsibility. Especially if the person helping is your child!


• It creates authentic connection between you and another person. Being vulnerable and "real" with someone else will only strengthen the relationship. If it doesn't, do you really want them in your life anyway?


• You share your wisdom when you pass on the things “only you can do.” What would your family do if they were not able to do all the things that “only you” can do?


• You are a role model for your children. You can show them to feel safe asking for help.

Take a few minutes to think about what you most need help with in your life right now. If you could pass off anything to another person, what would it be? What would be the most supportive thing another person could do for you?

Here are a few supportive ideas:

• Have your groceries delivered when you are feeling stressed. Most stores charge around $10. It is an added expense in these challenging times, but what is your time worth?
  
• Find a great housecleaning service to come once or twice per month and do a deep clean of your home.


• Hire a "mother's helper" one afternoon per week.


• Start a childcare share or co-op with like-minded families.


• Get together and bake or cook with friends. Start a soup swap.


• Share yardwork/gardening with friends in the spirit of "Barn raisings." Take turns doing each other's chores together!


• Ask family members to help more around the house and make specific requests.


• Find ways to get the kids excited (no nagging) about doing things for themselves like laundry (older kids), cleaning up toys and preparing food.


• Ask your partner to be more involved in something that is challenging for you.


• Share the details that only "you can do" like bill paying, changing the oil in the car or making your family's favorite dinner.

Finding time to exercise with small children can be difficult. Fortunately there are many gyms now that offer childcare, and this can be a wonderful thing for both baby and mom! Thinking of dropping your little one off in the care of strangers can be difficult, but I assure you, I if you do your homework and find the right fit, you will both be enjoying your days a bit more. When mama is happy… well, you know the rest.

There are many things to consider when taking this step, not the least being the consideration of both you and your child’s temperament. Look for a place where you and your child feel most secure. If you belong to a gym already, but are not happy with the childcare, you may want to look around, at least until your kids are in school. When looking into childcare come armed with questions so you know how to adequately make your choice. Some things will be more important than others, and may sway you more easily. Every gym has different policies, staff qualifications, and hours. Here are some things to consider when doing your research:

• Hours: What are the gym's hours for childcare? These are probably shorter than the gym's hours, and may offer very limited access on weekends. Make sure to find out if they are within the bounds of a workout schedule that can work for you. Do they require reservations? (Some gyms will limit the number of babies under a certain age.)


• Staff: What qualifications do the staff have? Ask about years of experience and CPR training. What is the staff to child ratio?


• Taking Care of Business: What is their diaper policy? (Some will change, some will not.) Is there a toilet in the room? How do they deal with potty-trained children when they have to go?


• Safety: What security procedures do they use to protect your child? Bracelets? Sign in? Driver's license drop-off? Pagers?


• Atmosphere: Do you like the look of the room? Is it clean? Does it have age appropriate toys for you child? Do they have any "down time" activities - craft options, games, coloring? Do they keep a video on? You may like or dislike this, based on your preferences or your child's relative interest in watching TV.


• What is their “crying” protocol? How long will they go before getting you? Can they make adjustments based on your preferences? Do they allow food? Water bottles? Milk bottles?

Most gyms will allow a trial day, so you can check it yourself and see how your child likes it. Inevitably, there will be something you are not crazy about. In one gym they allowed food, which I personally was not a fan of, and the gym I am in now always has the TV on. We just make this “the TV time for the day." Expectations have to be reasonable, and I found that having that hour to myself, even if to read a magazine on a bike, while my children got a load of playtime in, was worth the television “problem."

I usually only put my kids in for an hour a few times a week, as that is what works for us. Each family has to find what they are comfortable with. I will also point out that as the days get colder, it can be a great activity for the kids. They get to run around in a space designed for them and you get to get the much needed time and movement you need.

Do any of you have any hesitations about using a childcare in a gym? Please share the positive and the negative in the comments!