So many women share with us that once they become mothers, a good night's sleep is a distant memory. At first, pregnancy hormones and body discomfort disrupt sleep, then the early days of postpartum bring many wakings from baby. But many mothers report insomnia lasting a couple of years after their child's birth. Which begs the question: Once baby starts to sleep, how can mama make sure she can get to a good night's sleep again as soon as possible?

We interviewed licensed psychologist Jan DeRoest for some practical tips for new moms. She offers a workshop called Everything you wanted to know about sleep but were too tired to ask.

The Tranquil Parent: What happens to a mother’s sleep once she has a baby?

Jan DeRoest: Research indicates the first month postpartum has the greatest amount of reported sleep problems, even more so for first-time mothers. Usually there is a gradual increase in sleep time over the next 2-4 months as the infant's circadian rhythms mature. Breast feeding has been shown to increase slow-wave (restorative) sleep, possibly due to some connection with prolactin.

Often women get overtired from these first few months of many night wakings and lose their own routine of healthy sleep. Also, hormones take time to regulate after having a baby, especially if you are breastfeeding.

TTP: What is the difference between “normal” sleep challenges and true insomnia?

DeRoest: Insomnia is considered chronic when it persists for over a month. About 10 to 15 percent of adults report chronic insomnia. Stress or worry is thought to cause about 50 percent of insomnia. Other causes can include pain, digestive problems, sleep disorders (sleep apnea, restless legs, narcolepsy, etc.), depression, anxiety and some medications. Symptoms of insomnia can include difficulty falling or staying asleep, waking frequently at night, being unable to return to sleep, waking too early in the morning, unrefreshing sleep, daytime sleepiness, difficulty concentrating and irritability. If sleep problems persist for a few weeks or more, or if you experience distress and discomfort as a result of insomnia, you should consult a doctor. Bring a record of your sleep, levels of fatigue during the day, and any other symptoms you may be having.

TTP: What can mama do to finally get some sleep, once her baby is sleeping well?

DeRoest: Some ways to help promote sleep include:

• Good sleep hygiene - use the bedroom only for sleep and sex


• Establish a regular bedtime and bedtime routine and stick to it


• Get up at the same time every morning


• Make sure the bedroom is quiet, cool, dark and comfortable


• Don’t consume caffeine, nicotine or alcohol late in the day


• Exercise every day but not within three hours of bedtime


• Avoid daytime naps


• Avoid heavy meals several hours before bedtime, but a light snack before bed (like a couple of crackers with milk) may help some people


• Take warm baths/showers approximately one hour before bed

TTP: What are some natural techniques that help for sleep problems?

DeRoest: There are many natural techniques that can help with sleep!

Here are some that are reported to work:

• Relaxation exercises, guided imagery, meditation, hypnosis and biofeedback


• Stimulus control (only go to bed when sleepy, get out of bed when awake more then 15 minutes, do something boring, return to bed only when sleepy)


• Acupressure and acupuncture


• Aromatherapy (especially jasmine and lavender)


• Chamomile tea (no scientific evidence that it works, but lots of anecdotal testimony that it does help)


• Light therapy (use of certain light frequencies to shift your circadian rhythms back to day/night)

Medications/herbal remedies include:

• Antihistamines (Diphenhydramine/Benadryl, Chlorpheniramine, Lortadine)


• Melatonin (naturally secreted by the pineal gland in brain, works with circadian rhythms – best for jetlag)


• Kava (member of the pepper family, possesses centrally-acting skeletal muscle relaxant, anticonvulsant properties)


• Valerian (adverse effects can include abdominal pain, chest tightness, tremors, lightheadedness)


• Passion flower


• Skullcap

But please consult your care provider before trying any medications or herbal remedies.

Jan also offered the following recommended resources for more information:

• National Sleep Foundation


• Sleep Medicine Network


• Max Hirshkowitz, PhD & Patricia Smith,Sleep Disorders for Dummies

Jan DeRoest, Psy.D. can be reached at jderoest@comcast.net if you have more questions. If you are in Portland, Oregon, she offers workshops locally.

Are you raising boys? Have you noticed how different boys and girls are in terms of their behaviors and self-expression? As the mama of two boys, one age two, the other much older at 16, I often feel like I don’t quite understand what my sons need.

I turned to Parent Coach and Waldorf Educator Janet Allison to answer some questions about raising boys. Janet teaches a popular workshop “Boys Alive!” and has an e-book “Boys Alive: Bring Out Their Best!”

The Tranquil Parent: I often feel like I don’t know how to speak my sons' language. What do I need to know about boys that will help me communicate with them better?

Janet Allison: Less is more! Knowing how male and female brains developed differently through time gives parents a new perspective on why "boys will be boys.”

Females developed in groups, working together and nurturing children together. They depended on their relationships to survive. Their ability to process verbally was a key part of this and so female brains developed with many areas for processing verbal input. The male, who was hunting, required less verbal input, relying more on visual/spatial input. Scientists have found that the male brain has 25% less connecting nerve fibers between the right and left hemispheres and less places to process verbal input overall.

So moms talk a lot and boys have less places to process that verbal input. This slows their response time - sometimes up to 60 seconds! If we overwhelm them with too many words, they get frustrated and tune us out. And then we get frustrated when they don’t respond immediately!

Boys tend to respond to how something is said, rather than the words that are being said, which makes your tone of voice crucial. Keep your voice firm and neutral. To do this, make sure you are taking a moment to breathe deep and low into your belly before speaking.

TTP: My younger son has so much energy! What can I do to help him use his energy in a positive (rather than destructive) way?

Allison: Here are simple ideas for channeling your son’s energy:

• Look at your home through your son’s eyes. What adaptations can be made? Is there too much clutter? Simplicity eliminates overwhelming choices (and when boys are overwhelmed or uncomfortable, they often translate those feelings into running around and making noise.) One mom decided to pack away her antiques for a few years, rather than constantly yelling and fearing they would be broken.


• Provide ‘open-ended’ toys that inspire imaginative play. A fire truck with bells and whistles can only be that but a wooden block on wheels can be an amphibious land-rover, a pirate ship or a race car. Outdoor areas with water, sand, mud and sticks provide hours of imaginative and adventurous play. A metal bar across a doorway provides countless ways to build muscle and burn off energy. Tie a strong cloth around the bar and it becomes a swing or a book nook. A small trampoline also provides an acceptable physical outlet indoors.


• Adapt your expectations of behavior by simply acknowledging and accepting boy energy. Think of how “boy energy” has contributed to creating spaceships, bridges and skyscrapers. Celebrate and channel it!


• If boys are expected to "sit still" for awhile, make sure they have some physical play time first. Then provide a squishy ball or beeswax, so they have something to play with. Teachers are realizing that addressing this need in school actually helps boys listen better!

TTP: What are some of the most important things that Dads can teach their sons?

Allison: Moms need to understand the role of testosterone in their son’s life. It is important to know that it is responsible for aggression, risk-taking and impulsivity. It is the hormone that helped our ancestors actually kill the beasts they were hunting!

It is even more important, though, that the men in your son’s life teach him how to handle his testosterone. Boys must learn to control their impulses and their fathers can teach this self-control. Roughhousing and wrestling provide opportunities for learning to stop when things have gone too far.

Men are also key in teaching boys to respect women. And this begins with Mom. Hopefully, it is being modeled, but it must also be explicitly taught. “You may not talk to your mother in that tone of voice. How else can you say that?” Remember, your boy will likely grow to be bigger than his mom, and so an attitude of respect and care for her must be taught early.

Praise from dad (or uncle or grandpop) is worth 10 times more than praise from mom. Be specific in your praise - describe what you saw him do, the effect it had on others, how you felt - you are increasing his emotional vocabulary.

---

Book recommendations from Janet Allison:

• Sharifa Oppenheimer, Heaven on Earth: A Handbook for Parents of Young Children


• Michael Gurian,The Wonder of Boys


• Kim John Payne, Simplicity Parenting (scheduled for release in summer 2009)

What tips and techniques are you using to work with your boy’s energy? Leave a comment!

Do you prefer using natural remedies when you or your children are sick? Now that research is suggesting that many over-the-counter medicines are not good for babies and young children, it is even more important to know how to use the plant-based medicines that nature offers.

I interviewed Certified Aromatherapist Laura Genoway to find out more about using essential oils. Laura has been educating people about the use of essential oils on a daily basis for more than 14 years. She maintains a private practice in San Anselmo, California where she offers consultations in-person and by telephone. Laura is an intuitive consultant, energy medicine practitioner, certified aromatherapist and massage therapist, and is passionate about offering support to individuals in their pursuit of healing, transformation and empowerment.

The Tranquil Parent: What are some common essential oil remedies that families can use during the cold/flu season?

Laura: When my daughter was younger, I used essential oils for everything: boo-boos, stuffy nose, earache, the flu. Using essential oils as a preventative especially at daycare and during cold season was such a blessing. I noticed that she rarely got sick and when she did, it was for shorter periods of time than other kids. Now that she is a teen, we still use essential oils for things like blemishes, colds and stress.

There are hundreds of essential oils on the market, which can be overwhelming, so I will try to keep it simple. For a basic family "first-aid" kit, I recommend these three essential oils: Lavender, Eucalyptus, and Tea Tree.

1. Lavender (lavendual angustifolia) or Lavandin (lavandula hybrida) are varieties of lavender that are very soothing and calming. They can be used to help everyone relax and get ready for bed. [Stay away from Spike Lavender it is a very different variety of plant and is too strong for kids and not relaxing.]


2. Eucalyptus (eucalyptus globulous or eucalyptus radiata) is a wonderful decongestant and helps to loosen phlegm. Good for upper and lower respiratory conditions.


3. Tea Tree (melaleuca alternifolia) has excellent antibacterial properties for injuries and adds those properties to any essential oil blend.

With these essential oils you can make:

Cold Season Blend: Mix equal parts (i.e. 10 drops) of each essential oil into a separate empty glass bottle. Add three drops of this blend to vaporizer water or use it in an aromatherapy diffuser.

Chest Rub Recipe: Put one ounce (two tablespoons) of thick, unscented cream or lotion into a small jar. Carefully drip 15-20 drops of the EO blend, and then stir until thoroughly incorporated. Apply a small amount of this cream to the upper chest to help with congestion and as a preventative during cold season.

TTP: How do you know what kind of essential oil to buy?

Laura: When purchasing essential oils, make sure that the plant’s botanical name is on the bottle and not just the common name, so that you know which oil you are using. In general, essential oils should be diluted in a lotion or oil before they are applied to the skin.

TTP: What safety precautions should be taken with essential oils and babies and children?

Laura: Essential oils should be taken seriously. They are potent, concentrated substances with hundreds of naturally occurring chemical constituents. Even though the essential oils mentioned here are safe for kids, they should always be kept out of reach to avoid ingestion or getting the oils in the eyes or other sensitive areas.

Always keep the dropper insert secured in the opening of the bottle. That way, if your child were to open the bottle and try to drink it, they would most likely only get a drop or two. In any case, if you suspect that your child may have been alone with an open bottle, call Poison Control to be on the safe side. If you do get essential oils into your eye or any other sensitive area, rinse thoroughly for several minutes to remove the oils. Note that because it has a lot of fat content and EOs are fat-soluble, flushing the area with milk works better than water.

Having said all of that, we never had any of those situations occur even with dozens of essential oils in the house and a routine of using them on a daily basis. The warnings are common sense. You would probably find far more dangerous substances under the kitchen sink in most homes.

TTP: Where can I get more info on essential oils?

Laura: Valerie Ann Worwood’s Aromatherapy for the Healthy Child and The Complete Book of Essential Oils and Aromatherapy; the National Association for Holistic Aromatherapy, Simpler’s Botanicals, and Original Swiss Aromatics are all good sources of information.

---

Do you have any favorite natural remedies? Share them in the comments!