Date Night Anyone || The Tranquil Parent

Date night, anyone?

By Savannah happier

October 06, 2008

Photo by Here in Van Nuys, shared via Flickr

How long has it been since you have had a few hours of time for fun and connection with your partner without the kids? Four weeks? Two months? Longer?

Too long!

Consider that spending quality time with your partner might be better than therapy, more important than getting chores done and worth every penny it costs to make it happen.

As parents struggling to make time together as a couple, we have some common challenges. Many of us live far away from family members who could help with the kids. We have busy schedules. We may feel like we should include the kids in activities, or the cost of babysitting might make the cost of going on a date seem prohibitive. You might need to think strategically and rearrange your priorities in order to create the valuable time together as a couple.

Here are some ideas:

Find another like-minded family to trade regular date-night childcare. Don’t just have a "someday" conversation about it. Set a monthly schedule so that you can plan ahead. If you are concerned about bedtime conflicts, you can even do it early enough on a weekend to be home in time to tuck in the kids. If one of the families has more kids than the other and you are worried about making it fair, throw in a pizza or some other perk to the family with fewer kids.

Spend your date money on the sitter and do something that's cheap or free. Or even better, have the kids go somewhere else with the sitter and you and your spouse can have the house ALONE for a couple of hours. Think of the possibilities…

Take an afternoon hike away from the city

Snuggle on a blanket in the park with snacks and wine

Go see a second-run movie (you know you’ve missed a bunch at the big theater!)

Share a long conversation over coffee - and don't talk about the kids!

Pack a sunset picnic with food from home

Go see a free or cheap concert or play in the park

Go for a leisurely bicycle ride - pack some fun snacks, too.

Read to each other from a favorite book

Play an old-fashioned game (cards, board game or other)

Get out those old CDs or LPs and start dancing

Pack the kids off and watch a movie rated higher than G at home (in bed)

Stumped on how to find a great sitter? Of course, the best way is to ask your friends who they recommend or hire their experienced teens. But if that doesn’t work, here are some resources that might help:

Sittercity

Babysitter.com

How to form a babysitting co-op

How to interview and choose a sitter

Budget a monthly date night into the family finances. It should at least be as important as paying the cable bill or ordering take-out. And remember, you can make it affordable.

You are teaching your kids to value their most intimate relationships through your example. Seeing you and your spouse connected and happy together makes them feel more secure. You were a couple before your kids came along and (hopefully) will be after they leave home. Nurture your most important relationship with the time, attention and energy it deserves.

Have you had a great date night lately? Share your ideas with other parents in need of inspiration!

Categories: activities, time management

1. Sasra [10/06/08]

This is great! I totally agree with the importance. My husband and I have had a weekly date night since my first son was born 3 1/2 years ago, and coninue to even after my second was born. We do take “breaks” for financial or other circumstantial reasons, but it is amazing. Just yesterday we went canoing on the Potamac river for just a couple of hours! Thanks for this post.

2. Susannah [10/06/08]

Thanks so much for the cheap and free ideas! We frequently talk about doing something just the two of us but haven’t been able to brainstorm something that sounded good. This will definitely help.

3. Nicole [10/06/08]

We always talk about setting up a babysitting share with another couple, but it never ends up happening. I agree, for sure. Spending quality time together is crucial! Something I definitely need to do more.

4. Laura [10/06/08]

Thanks for the tips! Since I have a newborn I’m not willing to leave yet, hubby and I took advantage of her sleep time by setting up the toddler with a special movie she hadn’t seen before, and then cuddling and talking, just the two of us. It wasn’t quite a date, but the physical and emotional closeness certainly helped recharge our connection!

I look forward to bringing back date night with my favorite man in the whole world! Bookmarking this for future reference.

5. Danielle [10/06/08]

We had friends watch our daughter for our anniversary last month, and it was great! I cannot wait until we are living near friends again, so we can do this on a more regular basis.

6. Karen [10/06/08]

Oh, we so need to do this! Our third anniversary came and went last week with barely a mention.

7. Heather [10/06/08]

Thank you for this. Now to just find a close like minded family! Is really has been too long for us.

8. Hedy [10/06/08]

I agree that this is so important! We certainly don’t do it enough, either. But I’m going to talk to him about it, because it is important.

Last night, I think he was craving some time… just to be with me, because he snuggled up with me on the couch while I read my book, and fell asleep with his head in my lap. :-)

And one of my favourite dates is a lovely Saturday afternoon, with an early dinner somewhere, so we are home in time for our bedtime routine with the kids.

9. Savannah Mayfield [10/06/08]

My husband is just said we are overdue for a date and I should take my own advice!
We love to watch movies together and going out to a matinee on a weekend afternoon is real treat!

10. pauline [10/06/08]

We havn’t had an actual date night for a long sometimes I feed our daughter an early dinner and get her in bed early then he and I order take out and watch a movie. Not quite the same thing as going out but still fun, especially since our daughter reliable sleep through the night now.

11. spottie [10/06/08]

Pauline, I’m with you, I really don’t want to go out for a date… or the afternoon outings. I like being in at night and the knowing the kid is sleeping close by. So few people can get him to bed, too, that’s ‘our time’. So I’m not going to agree that it’s important to ‘find a sitter’, as much as make sure of the time as works for you, even if it’s early AM, and not ‘date night’.

12. Wendy [10/06/08]

My husband and I started an anniversary tradition—we both take the day off from work and still take our son to daycare. We get to spend the WHOLE day together but we are already paying for the childcare, and we don’t feel guilty about leaving our son for so long, since its the normal routine for him.

For regular date nights we’ve found a great restaurant near our house that we can easily eat at in an hour or so… we still have to pay the babysitter, but $10 or $15 seems worth it in the long run.

Also, we don’t overlook our girls/boys nights out - we both try to give the other person a free night (usually after our son is in bed) to do something with friends. Having a night to myself with friends is important to keeping us happy too!

13. Lee [10/06/08]

Thank you for reminding me that I need to do this more often. I sometimes feel guilty for asking my parents to watch our son as often as I would like for a date night, but then again they do enjoy their time with him!

14. Candice [10/06/08]

Sometimes I think that I’m such a great mom, that I don’t need any time off. Then I go on a date with my husband and realize how much we needed it! And I have to roll my eyes at myself!

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