How To Brush Kids Teeth Without A Power Struggle || The Tranquil Parent

How to brush kids’ teeth without a power struggle

By Savannah happier

June 29, 2009

How to brush kids’ teeth without a power struggle

Photo by Xenophod, shared via Flickr.

As parents, many of us have experienced this moment: You say cheerfully to your toddler or young child, “it is time to brush your teeth!” and reach for the brush and toothpaste.

“Noooo….” she howls, running out of the bathroom. Or you are greeted with a tightly closed mouth and a sullen face. Nothing you say or do seems to matter. This kid just does not want to brush her teeth. So what do you do?

Maybe you get frustrated and begin the battle. You try to coerce and convince. You chase them around the house, brush in hand. Maybe you get so frustrated (and attached to your idea that it has to happen now) that you pry their little mouth open and brush them anyway, fighting against their resistance.

If you have done any of those things, you probably know it doesn’t feel very good!

You care about your children’s health. You want them to have strong teeth and minimal dental procedures. Brushing their teeth is an act of love, so of course you want it to be loving. Also, you don’t want them to have negative associations with an activity (oral hygiene) that they need to take care of their whole lives.

I recently chatted with some other moms who, like me, are committed to having a respectful, cooperative relationship with their children. Here are some ideas that came out of the conversation about working with kids when they do not want to brush their teeth:

Be playful! Find a fun puppet who enjoys brushing teeth and make it a game. Consider buying several toothbrushes with different themes and let your child choose. Use funny voices or songs to make it more interesting. Invite your child to brush your teeth first and then switch and brush theirs!

Offer options. Ask your child where he would like to brush his teeth, sometimes changing rooms can be helpful. We sometimes bush our toddler's teeth in bed. If the child is really resisting using the toothbrush, wipe their teeth with a washcloth. Often you can get them just as clean and the change makes it more agreeable. Xylitol toothpastes are another option that can work really well.

Share information. By age two, many children can understand some of the reasons behind teeth brushing. Saying simply “we need to get your teeth clean,” might be enough. Or, if you want to give more details, you can explain how little bugs (bacteria) get on teeth and eat tiny holes into them, causing pain. They may want to clean off the bugs! Don't share this if you feel it might scare your more sensitive child.

Be flexible! Realize that skipping one night of brushing is not going to be the end of the world. If your little one really needs to say “no” then let it go for a night. You might find much more resistance the next night if you force the issue! If you do skip a brushing, invite your child to rinse their mouth with water or teach them to swish water around in their mouths. They will probably love spitting it out in the bathtub! The most important thing is to put more attention into what they are telling you through their resistance rather than focusing on "getting it done."

Create a routine. Many children do not resist toothbrushing if it is part of the nightly ritual from early on when the first teeth appear. Be casual about it, like it’s just one of the things done each night, like putting on pajamas and reading a book. This has been a successful approach in our home.

Categories: kids' bed and bath, behavioral issues, bedtime, children's routines, infant and children's health, hygiene, natural care products, parenting techniques

1. Sara [6/29/09]

When I was fairly young at girl scout camp, the counselors would get us to brush long enough by singing some goofy song as we did it. It was all mumbles and foam, but was pretty fun.

2. Wendy [6/29/09]

I would add to your list—Brush your teeth too! It may seem simple but it goes a long way towards accomplishing tooth brushing (and hand washing and...) in our house!

3. AJsMomma [6/29/09]

I can’t wait to hear the responses. My 18 month old doesn’t mind “brushing” her teeth herself...but when it comes time for me to do it, watch out! The tears start streaming and the crying begins. It’s heartbreaking...I’ve tried everything to negotiate as much as possible with this little person but she wants NO part of it!

4. Laura [6/29/09]

After hearing from other mothers about “brushing away the dragons” or “monsters,” I thought my kid would see right through a line like that. I tried it anyway, and it worked! Even though she knows it’s pretend, it’s the very act of pretending that she enjoys. Now she tells me when monsters are eating the food on her teeth and she needs to brush them out.

5. Monice [6/30/09]

We were first successful with brushing when we started singing while brushing. Recently (a little over 2 years old) we started reading a book while brushing (yes, holding a book and a child’s head and a toothbrush at the same time can be a bit much) and that has virtually eliminated the battle. It works best with 2 parents teaming up for the process - one reading and holding the book up high so the kiddo holds his head up and the other doing the brushing - but in a pinch you can have the kid hold the book. The trick is that we stop reading when the mouth closes or the teeth start biting the toothbrush - basically, the reading stops when the cooperation stops. So far, so good.

We really thought we were in for a battle when the dentist told us it was time to start flossing (at the 2.5 year appointment), but they gave us a neat little flossing contraption which the hygenist oddly (or so I thought at the time) called a “cowboy” and went into a description of how the floss wound around the flosser like a cowboy putting on his boots, hat, and belt—well she was genius. We now just say, “time to do the cowboy” and no complaints (of course, we’re still reading the book at that time, so there is the continued incentive of finishing the book). But hey, whatever works!!

6. April [7/01/09]

We told the kids (at 2 and 4) that tiny invisible bugs poop on our teeth and we have to brush it off. (They know it’s a joke.) Adding the word “poop” to almost any conversation is sure to at least bring on a smile, and often, in my experience, full-on cooperation.

7. Dawn [7/05/09]

We have two little ones who LOVE to brush. It is actually a battle with the 3 year old that we only brush 2x a day!
What I did was I took them to the store and let them each pick a toothpaste from the kids selection. I am not above using licensed characters to my benefit!
After the 2 tubes, I let them get another one now and then and we now have a collection. I think we have 8 all lined up in the med cabinet.
The process everyday of saying “I want the Princesses!” or “I want Shrek!” has made them enthusiastic. Also in the beginning they were able to choose not to use ones they think taste yucky.
So, a bit of a waste of money, but no struggle!
Hope that helps someone.

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