Over the holidays, I went to see the comedy Yes Man with my teenage son. Jim Carrey stars as Carl Allen, a guy who is stuck in a negative cycle in his life and after attending a self-help seminar, makes a commitment to say “Yes” to every single opportunity that comes his way. He has some surprising and even miraculous results but also learns that you can have too much of a good thing! As a Life Coach in the field of personal development, I found the caricature of the motivational speaker/guru to be particularly hilarious (and familiar)!

I left the film thinking about how much we as parents use the word "No." I don’t know about you, but as the parent of a teenager and a toddler (who often seem like the very same thing in a different size), I have some days when the word "No" feels like my mantra.

I am going to challenge myself and you to think about saying "Yes" a little more often.

While we might not be able to say "Yes" to their every demand, we can say yes to our children's curiosity, creativity and energy. Often they are driven purely by their instincts to learn and explore. The very thing that makes them such amazing people can also make them rather challenging.

Taking a moment to reflect what your child might need in the moment rather than reacting in frustration to their actions is a wonderful way of saying "Yes." I notice that the more stressed or distracted I am, the more likely I will spit out a quick "No" without even thinking too much about it.

Before you say "No," ask yourself: "Why not?" Often we are following rules only because we were "brought up that way." For example, we have decided that jumping on the bed is fine in our house even though it might not have been when we were growing up. When you explore your own reactions, you might just find they aren't even yours - but your parents! We value fun in our household a lot more than following traditional rules.

And it is possible to redirect your kids and still say "Yes." For example: "I want a cookie," can be seen as the need for a tasty snack. I might say, "Sounds like you want something sweet, how about this blueberry yogurt or a yummy fig bar?" While I didn't actually give him the cookie, I also didn't make a big deal about denying it either. Likewise, when my toddler is climbing the furniture, I can take his action as a cue to go to the park or start a wrestling match.

Being selective with your "No" also allows you to save it for when it is most important and will make an impact. If your young child hears "No" all day long, it will just be background noise. And with older children who love to negotiate and argue (as they become increasingly skillful in communication), an automatic "No" can open the door for debate. Instead, listen deeply for the underlying issue or concern, perhaps redirect the conversation so you can say "Yes" to their desire for understanding.

As parents, most of us want to create a world of opportunity and possibility for our children. And as their earliest teachers and constant guides, we are the ones who show them what the world is all about and what they are capable of being and doing. By creating too rigid of a "No" environment for kids, we can squelch their imagination and willingness to learn and explore when "Yes" alternatives can easily be found.

I am not suggesting that you do away with important limits and boundaries. Many kids thrive in an environment of predictability and structure. Being a more reflective parent is not about being permissive, but about saying "Yes" to their feelings and needs.

ZRecs.com photo by Andy Welsh, shared via Flickr.