Thank you so much for this incredibly relevant post.  I struggle with trying to feed my very picky children the healthiest of foods...I don’t restrict sweets completely, but we definitely have treat obsessions.  I am very eager to hear the results of your trial!

I completely agree with James - I had unlimited access to all sweets as a child, and now as an adult, they hold no interest to me.  I can’t wait to hear how it goes in your household!

My problem isn’t my kids - its that I have no willpower around such food.  I’d be the one eating out of the drawer all the time.  However, this article does reinforce that healthy access to all food is good (so I’ll make sure the kids can have dessert tonight when we go out to dinner.)

WOW. YES. Like Ellen, we have a definite treat fixation - our 3-year-old wheedles for one after every meal/potty. He eats well otherwise, and doesn’t overindulge when he does get sugary stuff, so I don’t know why I’ve felt the need to keep him on such a short leash… I will be waiting eagerly for your results - I am especially keen to hear how actual meals are affected. I can see our boy having no interest in dinner if there’s a drawer of sweets to be had…

Desserts were usually for when we had guests or special ocassions; but my Dad was good at coming up with special ocassions.  My mother was also into “health food” and things like soda, white bread, potato chips, candy, bologna meats were restricted.  I went crazy eating vending machine stuff and junk in college. 
When my kids were preschoolers I restricted their sweets, but once they started school they started to realize that they might be deprived.  They now have a candy drawer where all candy they are given or buy goes.  They have pretty free access, but not completely unlimited.  They do pretty well limiting themselves.  They eat their meals too.

I suspect that (like almost any strategy) the sweets drawer would work with some kids but not others.  Deciding how long to keep the drawer before changing tactics would be tough.

A lot of the treat-begging my three-year-old currently does is really just testing to see whether we’ll change the rules (Do mom and dad REALLY mean ice cream isn’t a breakfast food?  Well, what about popsicles then?), as she seems to lose most of her interest in these “treat obsessions” after a week or so of being pesky at times she’s already pretty sure will be unsuccessful.  (She knows we’re pretty free with the sweets after dinner, for example, but she rarely asks for them then.) I’m sure that varies by kid and by age too; life is currently one big power struggle for my frustrated toddler!

I think that’s a great idea, in theory.... I could never do it. My weakness for sweets is too high. I have to set barriers for MYSELF, otherwise I overeat them.

Maybe if I set aside the treat drawer as something just “for kids"… but I’m scared I’d end up like my own mom, polishing off the just-opened box of cookies at night after the kids go to bed.

We have treats in real moderation, but try to have a fruit based desert a few nights.  I have some less junky treats around (graham crackers, organic lollipops, fruit popsicles) that he can have whenever, but he rarely asks for them.  We try to avoid HFCS and food coloring, and save cakes and rich desserts for special occasions.  I’m really really happy that my son doesn’t beg for treats in the store or at home, and seems content with what’s available.

I let go of food restrictions when my daughter was about the same age.  I’d encourage you to give it more than a 2 week trial run.  Try 6 months.  I know that seems like a long time, but in reality it’s only a small fraction of her childhood. 
I really like doing monkey platters.  Set out a plate with apples, crackers, raisens, chocolate, candy, cucumbers, carrots and dip.  Or any other half a dozen of the hundreds of possiblities.  Then she’ll see the sweets as just one option among many. 
Keep in mind that the point isn’t for her to say at 3 years old “mommy, I don’t think I want any sugar ever again.” My daughter eats more sweets than I would have allowed back when I was restricting food.  BUT our relationship and the relationship with food is much more relaxed, and I do see her make good choices every day. 
Also, the health food store is a great compromise.  She can get all kinds of cookies, candy, gum, and other sweets, and you can feel better knowing that at least it doesn’t have as much HFCS, colors and flavors.

this topic was touched upon in the book Child of Mine: Feeding with Love and Good Sense (Paperback)
by Ellyn Satter.  I like the idea. I am not sure if I can do it.  My daughter is only 16 months now, so I have some time to think about this.

I am very interested to see how this works out for you.

Wow - I can’t wait to hear how it goes.  I have two 3.5 year old boys and I would love to try this out in our house, too.

Hooray!  I think you are on the right track!  We are very close to this approach with our 4 year old.  At least, whatever I bring into the home he has free access to.  He eats whatever he wants, whenever he wants.  Just yesterday we were leaving a friends house, and I asked him if he wanted the rest of the chocolate chips in the car or raisins, and he chose the box of raisins!  I would also encourage a longer trial!  My son has issues with dairy and gluten, so that has been the hardest thing to get past when we are out, and I am also concerned about artificial dyes and the recent information coming out about mercury in corn syrup.  So I do my best to find alternatives and make things at home, but there is almost always something sweet around!  ;)

I think a lot of things in life including food result in how you respond to your children.  In some homes, I have seen their be restrictions based on an allergic reation or food sensitivities.  These children have turned out okay to and have found raw veggies to be very scrumptious. For example, a friend of mine has an 11 year old boy who is allergic to almost everything in a wrapper, (processed foods mostly), his mother is a holistic nutrionist and lives on her own farm producing her own dairy, meats, veggies, fruit, eggs and the like.  Everything else she provides are wholesome whole foods and she gets really creative with it too.  She never makes process flours, or uses process foods.  I have been to gatherings at her home and she serves delicious foods.  When other children come to her home, they can’t wait to have fruit with white sweet sprinkles, (pre-biotics), and they do go out to eat sometimes when they are pressed for time, so it’s not always a special occasion. 

There are plenty of natural sweets out there too and could placed in the drawer, such as dates, dried fruits, homemade cookies, and I myself like these much better than the store bought stuff or mainstream boxed stuff. 

My mom allowed sweets but didn’t like for me to overdo it so she did restrict them.  She responded lovingly but it was still restricted not because she didn’t want me to eat it, but because she doesn’t like them herself.  I think she was very restricted as a child but has no interest in sweets now.  I will have to say, one memory of my mom, is that she would get up in the middle of the night to eat chocolate or ice cream and said that as a child she would sneak in the fridge and drink Hershey’s syrup.  I think those types of habits and behaviors come from how her parents responded to her.  If a child fears repercussions, or thinks you will be disappointed along with taking something away from them, they will go into survival mode and try to get as much of it as possible before it is taken from them.  On the other hand, if you give them what they want and provide nice alternatives that they like, I don’t think it is such a bad thing.

Every culture has something sweet.  I think in the US, we do have way too much access to stuff.  If you plan on sending your child to school, then it is up to you whether you want to offer some nice alternatives to junk food.  I think it all has to do with how we treat and respond to them. 

I have indulged at times, eating a whole pan of brownies but that is my issues with thinking they are “bad” for me.  My mind gets in the way of having healthy habits.  I wasn’t restriced at all as a child with sweets at my families house.  I could have all the candy, ice cream, cool whip, marshmellows, count chocula, that I wanted and my mom new about it, i was even allowed coffee.  I grew up with dreams that I wanted to be a nutrition expert, I would never drink, smoke, or the like and I don’t but I do sometimes indulge in sweets.

Also, it is not always feasible to provide these types of food because they cost more.  I think if you present things in the right way, children will grow up and respect that.  They may go through a phase of eating out when they get to college or think that those people are way weird.  I have talked to adults that had restriced diets and as adults, they have no interest in those “bad” foods but again, how was it handled in the home?  Maybe the parents were in agreement, and happily provided what they had in their home, did they fight about, get all frustrated about it, argue about it, give it and not be happy about it, question it all the time, or???  If you are wishy washy, your kids may be too.

When I was living in the woods with not very much access to anything but what we had, which was all pretty healthy, she never once asked for sweets and when she did, she knew exactly where they were.  We did restrict thought because of finances and we did give both children in the house maple syrup and agave.  I would make such things like smoothies every day and cheesecake made from raw cashews, agave, and lemon.  Yum!  I also do explain reasons or concerns to my daughter so she doesn’t just think I am a tyrant.  It’s not, “you will eat what I provide and that’s that”.  It’s more like, “We don’t have the money to buy that, but can you help me pick something out that we can make together”?  The kids loved that, by the time we were done making it, they didn’t want to eat it because they so much of the ingredients.  This went for veggies, sweets, pizza, pomegranate, apples, smoothies, soup, protein pancakes, and more!  Again, it’s all presentation and enjoying the moment.

This is a great article.  Thanks for writing it.  I have such a drawer in my house and it works really well.  But instead of unlimited access, I give my daughter guidance on how often to choose sweets.

It’s true that the research shows that limiting foods makes them more desirable—in fact it’s been shown that limiting healthy foods produces the same kind of reaction.

Research ALSO shows, however, that a completely permissive approach can backfire also.  Children who are given no guidance about how to choose what they eat, end up eating MORE sweets, and fewer fruits and vegetables.

So what can you do?  Teach your children how to put sweets into their diets in a reasonable way (i.e. quantity compared to other foods) and then let them choose WHEN to do it.

Dina
http://www.itsnotaboutnutrition.com

Thank you all SO much for this great feedback and insightful advice! I plan to start this “adventure” with my daughter in mid-August, and I promise to keep you posted on it!

We don’t limit sweets and our almost 10 year old usually eats less than we do! Self-regulation is only possible when it’s done by one’s *self*.

Good luck with your trial run! I’m sure given enough time, you’ll come to appreciate a child’s keen sense of regulation as well. :)

~Tara

Very interesting topic and lots of great responses.  I am currently struggling with the issue of one child who heavy and one child who is thin, and they both seem to have very similar eating and activity levels.  I do restrict sweets and junk food a bit at this point (we do have sweet desserts sometimes, when their friends come over we have soda pop and pizza for dinner, cinnamon rolls for breakfast, and they get to choose candy on family movie night). It’s strange, because I basically had unlimited access as a child.  When we do buy something like popsicles, both the kids are constantly begging for them, and when they go to grandparents houses, where those items are unlimited, that’s all they seem to eat and constantly. 

Part of the reason I restrict junk food is because my husband and I have difficulty resisting it, and because I want us to be healthier.  Plus it just seems counter-intuitive as a parent to say, “Here’s some food that has no nutritional value, is addictive, will rot your teeth, and may contribute to obesity and diabetes later in life--eat as much as you like!”

But obviously restriction at home isn’t working that well, or they wouldn’t feel the need to “pig out” on junk at Grandma’s house.  Perhaps it’s because I’ve been inconsistent in the message I’m sending.  It will be interesting to see the results of your experiment.

Good luck! We have had a snack bin in our pantry since we got married. Granola bars, Fruit roll ups, rice krispie squares - anything and everything can be found in there. Sometimes my four year old grabs from the bin, sometimes she opens the fridge for a yogurt, and sometimes she grabs from the fruit bowl on the counter.

It’s a great trick when you’re out with friends and you offer your toddler a french fry or chips and they ask if they can have an apple instead!

I have unlimited sweets pretty much. What is brought in the house is limited but once it’s in it’s a free for all..once it’s gone though, it’s gone so I guess it’s limited by budget rather than by me.  I choose to buy healthier food on a limited budget.

What I do is not fuss.  Oh well, it’s gone....here is what has happened with my 4 girls.

All 4 like sweets.  Neither over-induges.  Teen girls tend to go buy themselves a box of cookies certain times of the month.  I say go for it.  The rest of the time it’s as likely that they will go nuts over a basket of plums.

Girls 3 and 4 are aged 3 and 6.  The littlest has a very picky sweet tooth..loves her smarties and her ice cream and beyond the occasional cookie doesn’t have a big sweet tooth.  6 year old has a huge sweet tooth but is quite capable of eating half a chocolate bar and leaving icecream in her dish when she’s full.

I’ve focussed on eating to satisfaction and no stuffing of any food including healthy stuff.  No clean your plate, no fuss over the odd skipped meals.  Basically I’ve made food a “no power struggle” zone and that includes sweets.

So they don’t have the feelings of deprivation, of never being allowed sweets.  It is controlled but we never talk about it, it’s just the way it is so they are unaware that I’m secretly careful of what I buy.

My goal is to remove the emotional attachment from food in their lives(which I think is the real problem) and to make sure the messages they recieve about all food are positive.

I also make sure they are super active. 

Neither of my 4 girls have weight issues although the teens do have some body issue things picked up along the way...that’s a tough one to maneuver and fodder for another post.

Great article

Breeze