Did you let the New Year pass you by without a resolution or two, because you've tried tried and failed to keep them in the past? It isn't too late to let the New Year be a time for renewal, and I'd like to share an idea with you that can help you set yourself for success, rather than failure: Family resolutions.

As parents, you can take this opportunity to set some positive New Year's resolutions with your family. It may seem daunting to create resolutions as a family when the individual ones can be so hard to sustain, but the secret is that family goals may be easier to keep!

The process of setting goals as a family is unique because it is based on a collective vision rather than an individual desire. While an individual's resolution can often come from a feeling of self-judgment (I am overweight or don't make enough money), family goals can be more positive and affirming. Also, the group intentions behind family goals can make them more powerful and sustaining. Research has shown that the number one trick to achieving goals is accountability.

Create your family resolution

1. Set up a time for a family meeting when each member has energy to participate. Serve snacks and make it fun! Have some paper and pens handy for taking notes.


2. Reflect on your shared values and priorities. Have each person list what is important to them and notice similarities. Make the list for younger children by asking them and taking notes.


3. Give everyone (even the youngest member) a voice. If the youngest member is a pre-verbal baby, consider what he or she might feel about the idea. For example, if the topic is reserving one evening a week for the family to do something fun, how would baby benefit from this?


4. Prioritize your shared values as a group.


5. Decide together which priorities most need improvement and set a goal for what you would like to see different in 2009. Write your goal down and post it in a visible place in your home.


6. Review obstacles that usually get in the way of this goal. Make a plan for dealing with them as they come up. For example, if the goal is to have dinner together three nights per week but one family member is often called away for last-minute meetings, how will you handle this situation when it arises?

Some popular family goals

• Take a family trip to a fun location.


• Sit down at least x evenings per week with every member present to dinner.


• Volunteer x hours next year to a cause that represents the family’s values.


• Make reasonable changes towards sustainability. Take the bus to school, ride bikes together to the library or set up a better recycling system.


• Create a family savings plan with a specific amount reserved for education.


• Take a fun class together or have a local family adventure once per month.


• Exercise together as a family once per week.

Making your goal work

This is the challenging part! You have created a goal for your family; now how to do you put it into action? This is where most people lose momentum in their resolutions. A key to making a goal successful is to make it achievable. Often resolutions don’t work because they are missing one of the key elements to success. Review our post on setting yourself up for success with better goal-setting to make sure your goal is SMART and ensure you can achieve it!

The benefits of family goal-setting

The rewards to setting and achieving family goals are numerous. By working together as a group, family members get to know each other in a new way and discuss topics that might not usually come up. Younger children learn about success and healthy communication by being a part of the entire process. Also, by reviewing values and priorities together, the family spends time focusing on what really matters and feels a united sense of purpose and direction. This can be an incredible bonding process!

Remember to review goals often and be flexible. If it isn't working, don’t give up. Go back through the steps and make changes so that your goal is more reasonable. This will teach your family how to work together and be adaptable!

Parts of this post originally appeared as an article by Savannah Mayfield in Portland Family Magazine, December 2007 and reprinted with permission.

As you are planning your holiday traditions this year, consider celebrating the winter solstice on December 21. Hold on, you may be thinking. The last thing I need is another event! In fact, in the midst of a hectic and often consumer-focused holiday season, honoring the solstice can be a relaxing and spiritual time for your family. As the longest night of the year, winter solstice represents a return of the light as the days begin to get longer and in many cultures is seen as a time of rebirth.

I spoke with some friends who create a special ritual every year for the solstice. The Perlingieri family shared with me how they mark this special evening and teach their children to notice and honor the seasonal changes of the Earth.

First they bring a live tree or bush into their home and lovingly decorate it with lights. After tending it well in the home, they later plant it. They also light candles in the room to represent the return to light. For their ritual, they have gathered rosemary, holly, bay leaves, ivy, apples, walnuts, and evergreen boughs. These are laid out under the tree during their solstice ritual.

The rosemary and bay leaves are bound together, one bundle for each member of the family. Rosemary is for remembrance; each person shares their favorite highlights of the year and then places the bundle under the tree. The bay leaves cleanse the unsettling events of the past year.

The energy of holly is masculine, with a fiery and protective force, while Ivy represents the feminine aspects of intuition and emotions. They honor these opposite but complimentary natures and recognize that while they can at times seem at odds, they are both equally important to the equilibrium of their family.

Then they each place an apple, symbolizing love, under the tree and either proclaim out loud or silently their love for one another. The walnuts are wishes for the coming year. These can be spoken aloud or held as silent intentions and placed under the tree.

The evergreen boughs are placed all around the tree as a symbol of resilience and immortality - impervious to the cold and darkness. As the season of night is ending, this heralds the return of the light!

To complete their ritual, they stand in a circle, hold hands and chant “ohm” at the moon, respecting its darkness, but inviting the sun to return again.

When I asked what they will do different this year, they shared that they look forward to keeping the fire burning all night in their new wood stove for their first Yule log. (The origins of the Yule log are connected with the custom of keeping a fire burning all night throughout the night linking the two shortest days of the year.)

Earth-centered celebrations to mark seasonal changes have been practiced by many cultures all over the world for many millennia. You can adapt this or another ritual to fit your own family’s philosophy and include prayers or blessings that reflect your religious practices. You can also make it as complex or as simple as you'd like it to be.

What does your family do for winter solstice, or what would you like to do? Share your ideas by leaving a comment!

During the holiday season, many of us talk to our kids about how important it is to feel grateful for all the blessings in our lives. Sure, our lives are not perfect and we have very valid challenges and concerns. This year when so many are feeling the crunch of a struggling economy, it is even more important to turn our attention to a deep appreciation for what we do have.

What is so powerful about gratitude?

Gratitude attracts abundance. Okay, I know the "law of attraction" can seem hokey and a little too “new age” for some of us. But when it comes to gratitude, this is just simple cause and effect. When you are feeling grateful for what you do have, you tend to focus on the abundance in your life: your loving relationships, your health, your home, whatever really counts for you. And when you focus on these things, you just feel good. That feeling of goodness causes you to act differently than if you were focused on scarcity, challenges or all the things you don’t have. And when you are feeling blessed and abundant, you tend to take constructive, creative action and experience more positive results.

Gratitude inspires giving. When you appreciate the resources that you have, you tend to want to give more of your money, time and energy to others. This is a wonderful cycle because the more you give, the more you tend to feel grateful. Think about a time in your life when you volunteered for a cause that you a really believed in or gave funds towards helping someone in need. Didn’t that just inspire you to be more open and loving? And I bet in the end, you received as much as you gave!

Gratitude keeps you connected to your values. It is difficult to feel sorry for yourself, focus on the inconsequential things or act selfishly when you are feeling grateful. Gratitude reminds you what is important in your life - and challenges you to live from your values.

So, this year, as you gather with family and beloved friends, take some time to deeply reflect on your own sense of gratitude and be the person who inspires this kind of thinking in others.

Here are some questions for reflection and sharing:

• What was the best part of your day?


• When something wonderful happens, who is the first person you want to tell?


• What have you experienced in your life that you never thought was possible?


• What makes you most hopeful?


• When you are going through a tough time, who or what inspires you?