Have you heard the story of the two monks and the heavy load? It is a Zen tale passed down for centuries in Buddhist teachings.

One day two traveling monks reached a town and saw a young woman waiting to step out of her sedan chair. There were deep, muddy puddles and she couldn’t step across without getting mud on her silk robes. She impatiently scolded her attendants, who were burdened with heavy packages.

The younger monk walked by the young woman without speaking. But the older monk stopped and picked her up on his back, carrying her across the mud. Not only did she not thank the monk, she shoved him out of her way when he put her down and scurried by him haughtily.

As the two monks continued on their way, the younger monk was brooding. After a long time, he finally spoke out. “That woman was so rude but you picked her up and carried her! She didn’t even thank you.”

“I set the woman down hours ago,” the older monk responded. “Why are you still carrying her?”

What are you holding on to today that is burdening you?

You might be playing a conversation or a past situation that upset you over and over in your mind. Ask yourself, is it happening now? When it happens again, how do I want to respond differently?

Perhaps you had a challenging parenting moment and are carrying guilt. Observe your child with curiosity; is she still upset about it? If so, acknowledge what happened so you both can move on. If she has already moved past it, let it go!

Remember that letting go is a gift to yourself. You will feel better and will be healthier and more present when you do.

So many women share with us that once they become mothers, a good night's sleep is a distant memory. At first, pregnancy hormones and body discomfort disrupt sleep, then the early days of postpartum bring many wakings from baby. But many mothers report insomnia lasting a couple of years after their child's birth. Which begs the question: Once baby starts to sleep, how can mama make sure she can get to a good night's sleep again as soon as possible?

We interviewed licensed psychologist Jan DeRoest for some practical tips for new moms. She offers a workshop called Everything you wanted to know about sleep but were too tired to ask.

The Tranquil Parent: What happens to a mother’s sleep once she has a baby?

Jan DeRoest: Research indicates the first month postpartum has the greatest amount of reported sleep problems, even more so for first-time mothers. Usually there is a gradual increase in sleep time over the next 2-4 months as the infant's circadian rhythms mature. Breast feeding has been shown to increase slow-wave (restorative) sleep, possibly due to some connection with prolactin.

Often women get overtired from these first few months of many night wakings and lose their own routine of healthy sleep. Also, hormones take time to regulate after having a baby, especially if you are breastfeeding.

TTP: What is the difference between “normal” sleep challenges and true insomnia?

DeRoest: Insomnia is considered chronic when it persists for over a month. About 10 to 15 percent of adults report chronic insomnia. Stress or worry is thought to cause about 50 percent of insomnia. Other causes can include pain, digestive problems, sleep disorders (sleep apnea, restless legs, narcolepsy, etc.), depression, anxiety and some medications. Symptoms of insomnia can include difficulty falling or staying asleep, waking frequently at night, being unable to return to sleep, waking too early in the morning, unrefreshing sleep, daytime sleepiness, difficulty concentrating and irritability. If sleep problems persist for a few weeks or more, or if you experience distress and discomfort as a result of insomnia, you should consult a doctor. Bring a record of your sleep, levels of fatigue during the day, and any other symptoms you may be having.

TTP: What can mama do to finally get some sleep, once her baby is sleeping well?

DeRoest: Some ways to help promote sleep include:

• Good sleep hygiene - use the bedroom only for sleep and sex


• Establish a regular bedtime and bedtime routine and stick to it


• Get up at the same time every morning


• Make sure the bedroom is quiet, cool, dark and comfortable


• Don’t consume caffeine, nicotine or alcohol late in the day


• Exercise every day but not within three hours of bedtime


• Avoid daytime naps


• Avoid heavy meals several hours before bedtime, but a light snack before bed (like a couple of crackers with milk) may help some people


• Take warm baths/showers approximately one hour before bed

TTP: What are some natural techniques that help for sleep problems?

DeRoest: There are many natural techniques that can help with sleep!

Here are some that are reported to work:

• Relaxation exercises, guided imagery, meditation, hypnosis and biofeedback


• Stimulus control (only go to bed when sleepy, get out of bed when awake more then 15 minutes, do something boring, return to bed only when sleepy)


• Acupressure and acupuncture


• Aromatherapy (especially jasmine and lavender)


• Chamomile tea (no scientific evidence that it works, but lots of anecdotal testimony that it does help)


• Light therapy (use of certain light frequencies to shift your circadian rhythms back to day/night)

Medications/herbal remedies include:

• Antihistamines (Diphenhydramine/Benadryl, Chlorpheniramine, Lortadine)


• Melatonin (naturally secreted by the pineal gland in brain, works with circadian rhythms – best for jetlag)


• Kava (member of the pepper family, possesses centrally-acting skeletal muscle relaxant, anticonvulsant properties)


• Valerian (adverse effects can include abdominal pain, chest tightness, tremors, lightheadedness)


• Passion flower


• Skullcap

But please consult your care provider before trying any medications or herbal remedies.

Jan also offered the following recommended resources for more information:

• National Sleep Foundation


• Sleep Medicine Network


• Max Hirshkowitz, PhD & Patricia Smith,Sleep Disorders for Dummies

Jan DeRoest, Psy.D. can be reached at jderoest@comcast.net if you have more questions. If you are in Portland, Oregon, she offers workshops locally.

Do you ever have a parenting week when you feel like someone shoved a great big wrench right into your finely orchestrated plans? You are busy and you have it all mapped out just right. It is a delicate game, but you are certain you can do it all.

Until.

A kid gets sick, a pet runs away, a partner gets laid off... We have all had things happen right at the wrong time.

Two weeks ago, my toddler had a bike accident and broke his foot. It ended up being a minor injury that could have been much worse so we felt very grateful. He is not in much pain and is hobbling around on his cast quite well.

But it was just not the week for an accident. I was already behind with work, we had plans to go to the coast for a relaxing weekend of sand and water (cue the evil laugh) and our budget right now does not include all the medical bills.

I should just be happy he is okay, but I can't help but get frustrated about the timing.

Until the end of the week, when I took him to his little preschool, feeling relieved that he could play for four hours so I could complete four writing pieces and answer about 300 emails.

But he would not let me leave him at the school.

He was clingy and wanted me to hold him. I couldn’t get him connected to his teachers or playing with his peers. After staying for two hours to help him settle in, we left when he finally said: "I want to go home," with tears in his eyes.

All my work would have to wait. My little guy had a major trauma this week. He was injured, rode in an ambulance and is hobbling around in a heavy cast. He is feeling vulnerable and needs me.

I took some deep breaths and made a new plan. I let go of some things I thought I should do. I asked for help from my partner in getting some time to work in the evening. And, I decided to share my story with you instead of the more complicated post I was planning.

When I ask myself what is really important to me, I know that my loved ones come before my to-do list.

How about you? What do you do when your big plans are derailed?