Are you overcommitted? Do you often feel exhausted and resentful? As a busy parent, you might be happier and have more harmony in your life if you master the art of saying "No" gracefully.

Why is it so hard to say no? Many of us grew up learning that our value is measured by our usefulness to others. Because we are relational beings, we do want to contribute to the people in our lives. But, remember, when you are burnt out, you are less present and have less to give. By learning to say no when you really don’t have the energy or attention (or desire) to do something, you will be able to give more when you say yes!

Five reasons saying no can be so difficult

• We don’t want to disappoint others. Often, saying no means that we are not meeting someone else’s expectation of us.


• We have trained the people in our lives to expect us to always say yes. In doing so, we are worried our relationships will change if we say no.


• We want to be loved, accepted and respected. Because we often measure our own value by what we give to those in our lives, it can be easy to over-give, especially if our self-esteem is challenged.


• We are givers by nature. While this is a great quality, we just need to learn how to give to ourselves too! In doing so, sometimes saying no to others is appropriate.


• We never learned to say no. Many of us lack role models in our lives who are comfortable saying no. Because of this, we don’t know how to say no lovingly.

Which of the above reasons are true for you? Identifying what gets in your way of being comfortable with saying no is the first step to shifting this dynamic.

Five steps to help you no gracefully

1. Always say, “Let me get back to you,” when you know the answer is not an absolute yes. This will help you break the habit of saying yes without thinking about it first. And it gives you some time to consider your options and approach.


2. Check in with yourself to see how much you really want to say yes. Ask yourself this question: “If I knew that it wouldn’t upset anyone, would I say no?”


3. Make sure you feel clear before giving your answer. When you feel guilty or conflicted, the other person easily picks up on it.


4. Keep your answer simple and don’t over-explain yourself. Speak about your needs and feelings. “Being on the committee sounds like a fun opportunity, but I really need to spend more time with my family on the weekends, so I am going to pass.” It often helps other people to understand your reason for no when you share with them what you are saying yes to instead (more time with the family, better self-care…)


5. You may be able to say no and still help in another way: Offer to help brainstorm about who else might be able fill the request or other resources that would support the person who is hearing your no.

Would you rather people do things with you or for you because they feel obligated or feel guilty? Or would you rather them only say yes if they truly have the time and energy to do so?

If the latter (and I'm guessing that's you!), then give the same gift to the people in your life.

Do you have a little creative genius in your life who loves to build sculptures out of LEGOS or the household recycling, enjoys painting murals on large sheets of paper, builds clay models or is prolific with drawings? If so, you might wonder how you are going to store all that artwork!

Do you have it piled in drawers, stuffed into closets, or stacking up in the basement?

You want to encourage and support your kids in their self-expression and you also want them to know you value their creations. At the same time, you might have limited space and keeping everything can be challenging.

Here are a few ideas that might help:

1. Create a space in your home to display the art. Perhaps it is a blank wall to hang all the artwork or a special table for their sculptures. After their favorite pieces have been on display for a few weeks,take a photo of the artwork! Better yet, if your kid is old enough, help them take the photo. Together you can make an album that holds photos of their best creations. Then decide together what to do with the artwork. Maybe they would enjoy disassembling that sculpture, recycling that drawing or smashing the clay model.


2. Have an art show every few months. Invite close friends and relatives to come over and “buy” the artwork, exchange it for something, or let them pick and choose a few favorites. This will solve your storage problem and give the grandparents or your kid’s best friends a chance to enjoy their creativity.


3. Teach your children the value of sharing their artwork with others. Visit a lonely senior in a retirement home and decorate their walls with cheerful sketches, mail a favorite painting to a relative you don’t see often or enter that special sculpture in a kid art contest.


4. Consider buying or making a storage system that will protect the favorites of your child’s collection. Schoolfolio makes storage solutions for kid’s artwork, report cards and other important papers. They are sturdy, archival quality and have a handle so you can transport it to and from school. You can also buy inexpensive storage bins and decorate and label them yourself.

As a parent of a teenager, I wish now I had kept more of his early drawings. Having a way to store and preserve your very favorite creations will bring back so many memories later. And remember, your child might have a very different idea about what they want to keep, so be sure to ask them.

What do you do with your child's artwork? Leave a comment and let us know how you handle it!

Is it difficult for you to ask for help or seek support from other people? If so, you are not alone! From a young age, many of us have learned that asking for help is a sign of weakness. This fear often keeps us isolated from the very people who would love to be there for us!

I'm here to tell you that asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of intelligence.

If you are going to be the kind of parent you want to be along with having a satisfying professional/personal life, keeping your household going, nurturing your most important relationships and contributing to your community, you need support.

You probably know what it feels like when you need more help. You are tired and overwhelmed. Maybe you feel resentful or have a short fuse. You can’t seem to find the time or energy to take care of yourself and you constantly feel like you are behind schedule, falling short of your own standards and not being the parent you know you could be. You might complain that the weight of the world is on your shoulders, you feel like you are drowning/sinking or you just can’t get caught up. All you want to do is escape (and often you do by watching TV, eating comfort foods or zoning out in front of the computer). All of these are symptoms of a need for more support.

So, why don't we ask for help?

• We are afraid we will appear weak or needy.


• It is too hard to explain how to do it “ right” to someone else.


• We don’t want to be disappointed by others.


• We don’t want to be rejected.


• We don’t want to owe anyone anything.


• "I can do it better."


• We don’t want to inconvenience anyone.

All of these reasons are great excuses for not seeking support, but are they really valid? Ask yourself: "If my friend asked me to help him with a computer problem, would I judge him as weak? If my sister wanted my support with a challenge in her life, would I then feel she owes me something?" And maybe you can do a job better than someone else, but is doing it better or being right really your ultimate goal? Sometimes, we choose between being in control and being happy!

What are some good reasons to allow others to help?

• People feel valued and respected by you for their contributions when you let them help you. As humans, one of our primary desires is to contribute to each other.


• You empower others. You teach them to trust themselves, to be resourceful and take responsibility. Especially if the person helping is your child!


• It creates authentic connection between you and another person. Being vulnerable and "real" with someone else will only strengthen the relationship. If it doesn't, do you really want them in your life anyway?


• You share your wisdom when you pass on the things “only you can do.” What would your family do if they were not able to do all the things that “only you” can do?


• You are a role model for your children. You can show them to feel safe asking for help.

Take a few minutes to think about what you most need help with in your life right now. If you could pass off anything to another person, what would it be? What would be the most supportive thing another person could do for you?

Here are a few supportive ideas:

• Have your groceries delivered when you are feeling stressed. Most stores charge around $10. It is an added expense in these challenging times, but what is your time worth?
  
• Find a great housecleaning service to come once or twice per month and do a deep clean of your home.


• Hire a "mother's helper" one afternoon per week.


• Start a childcare share or co-op with like-minded families.


• Get together and bake or cook with friends. Start a soup swap.


• Share yardwork/gardening with friends in the spirit of "Barn raisings." Take turns doing each other's chores together!


• Ask family members to help more around the house and make specific requests.


• Find ways to get the kids excited (no nagging) about doing things for themselves like laundry (older kids), cleaning up toys and preparing food.


• Ask your partner to be more involved in something that is challenging for you.


• Share the details that only "you can do" like bill paying, changing the oil in the car or making your family's favorite dinner.