Did you let the New Year pass you by without a resolution or two, because you've tried tried and failed to keep them in the past? It isn't too late to let the New Year be a time for renewal, and I'd like to share an idea with you that can help you set yourself for success, rather than failure: Family resolutions.

As parents, you can take this opportunity to set some positive New Year's resolutions with your family. It may seem daunting to create resolutions as a family when the individual ones can be so hard to sustain, but the secret is that family goals may be easier to keep!

The process of setting goals as a family is unique because it is based on a collective vision rather than an individual desire. While an individual's resolution can often come from a feeling of self-judgment (I am overweight or don't make enough money), family goals can be more positive and affirming. Also, the group intentions behind family goals can make them more powerful and sustaining. Research has shown that the number one trick to achieving goals is accountability.

Create your family resolution

1. Set up a time for a family meeting when each member has energy to participate. Serve snacks and make it fun! Have some paper and pens handy for taking notes.


2. Reflect on your shared values and priorities. Have each person list what is important to them and notice similarities. Make the list for younger children by asking them and taking notes.


3. Give everyone (even the youngest member) a voice. If the youngest member is a pre-verbal baby, consider what he or she might feel about the idea. For example, if the topic is reserving one evening a week for the family to do something fun, how would baby benefit from this?


4. Prioritize your shared values as a group.


5. Decide together which priorities most need improvement and set a goal for what you would like to see different in 2009. Write your goal down and post it in a visible place in your home.


6. Review obstacles that usually get in the way of this goal. Make a plan for dealing with them as they come up. For example, if the goal is to have dinner together three nights per week but one family member is often called away for last-minute meetings, how will you handle this situation when it arises?

Some popular family goals

• Take a family trip to a fun location.


• Sit down at least x evenings per week with every member present to dinner.


• Volunteer x hours next year to a cause that represents the family’s values.


• Make reasonable changes towards sustainability. Take the bus to school, ride bikes together to the library or set up a better recycling system.


• Create a family savings plan with a specific amount reserved for education.


• Take a fun class together or have a local family adventure once per month.


• Exercise together as a family once per week.

Making your goal work

This is the challenging part! You have created a goal for your family; now how to do you put it into action? This is where most people lose momentum in their resolutions. A key to making a goal successful is to make it achievable. Often resolutions don’t work because they are missing one of the key elements to success. Review our post on setting yourself up for success with better goal-setting to make sure your goal is SMART and ensure you can achieve it!

The benefits of family goal-setting

The rewards to setting and achieving family goals are numerous. By working together as a group, family members get to know each other in a new way and discuss topics that might not usually come up. Younger children learn about success and healthy communication by being a part of the entire process. Also, by reviewing values and priorities together, the family spends time focusing on what really matters and feels a united sense of purpose and direction. This can be an incredible bonding process!

Remember to review goals often and be flexible. If it isn't working, don’t give up. Go back through the steps and make changes so that your goal is more reasonable. This will teach your family how to work together and be adaptable!

Parts of this post originally appeared as an article by Savannah Mayfield in Portland Family Magazine, December 2007 and reprinted with permission.

As a busy parent, you are probably great at multitasking. You have to be, right? Often, doing several things at once is a survival skill. But you also know how easy it is to get overwhelmed and how difficult it can be to complete anything. Sometimes the list just seems so long…

When you find yourself overwhelmed and short on time, try the following exercise:

1. Choose something that would feel really great to make headway on or that deserves your attention for more than just a few moments. You don’t have to complete the whole project, just give it some undivided attention.


2. Set a timer for 20 minutes and commit to doing that one thing with focus and intention for the entire time.


3. Stay present with your task and don’t let your attention waver or your mind create any judgment. Being hard on yourself is not going to help you right now!

Setting aside 20-minute blocks of time to focus intently on one task, one project or one activity can surprise you. And you might find that in one day, you can create several 20-minute blocks of time and they do add up!

Here are some ideas of what you can do with 20 minutes of focused attention:

Organize

• Find a small area of your house that is bugging you. Maybe it needs a deep clean, a serious de-clutter or a little bit of sprucing up!


• Do a whole house sweep. Grab a bag or box and rush through the house, grabbing all the clutter. Then take your box and put everything away. If you haven't used something for awhile, set is aside for donation.


• Sort and recycle stacked up mail, a pile of papers or your files.


• Clean out your email box or computer desktop. That feels really good!

Self-Care

• Crank up some tunes and dance for 20 minutes. This can be a real workout!


• Do a quick power walk around the block.


• Grab a book, pick a quiet corner and request 20 minutes of peace and relaxation from your family.


• Meditate, pray or stretch.

Vision

• Have a 20-minute brainstorming session about something that has been on your mind. Don’t let your pen leave the paper and jot down every thought you have, even if it doesn’t seem relevant.


• Dig out that dusty journal and spend a few precious moments dreaming about a creative idea you have been brewing, write a story or record a memory.

Relate

• Spend 20 minutes with your kids following their lead. Color, play with clay or read a story of their choosing. Commit to staying attentive and focusing all your attention on them. If your mind begins to create a grocery list or focus on a problem, remind yourself that you can do that later!


• Invite your partner to share a 20-minute active listening session. Split the time equally and you each talk about something important to you for the entire time with the other person listening (no comments, questions, or trying to "fix it"). Look into your partner’s eyes when they are talking and thank them for sharing. If you want to, you can also repeat back what you heard them say and offer some empathy or understanding for their feelings.

This won't take the place of longer sessions but it will give you a jumpstart. You will feel more proactive and productive and it can get your creative juices flowing! You might think 20 minutes is not long enough to do anything very well. The trick is to be very focused and mindful.

As parents it can be a real challenge to keep up with the busy schedules of every member of the family. Especially as kids get older, you might feel like everyone is going in a different direction!

I recommend creating a Family Calendar on a large (around 3 x 2 feet) whiteboard and posting it in a prominent place in the house. Having a visual reminder of the appointments and events for each member of the family can create more structure and accountability. And even if you just have young children, posting the schedules of both you and your partner can add ease when coordinating childcare, doctor’s appointments and family events.

Here are some tips for making your own Family Calendar:

On the top half of the board, draw a permanent grid in black marker to hold dates for two weeks. In the lower half of the board draw one section titled “Family Goals” and another titled “Notes.”

In the calendar section of the board, you can enter the upcoming dates in erasable marker. Assign a different erasable pen color for each family member and one for the family as a whole. Every other Sunday evening after dinner, ask family members for their upcoming events, dig through the kid’s school schedules and extracurricular activities, check your work calendar and put it all in one place! Be sure to include the times of the events to you can clarify any conflicts.

Hold a family meeting and compile goals to list in the “Family Goals” section of the board. (And stay tuned next week for a detailed post on creating family goals for the New Year!) To make sure you are successful with your goals, revisit Set yourself up for success with better goal setting. In our family, we have listed goals like: Raise the money to buy a new Mac Book Pro by Jan. 1st, Organize the basement and get rid of boxes by March 1st, Sign up Liam for Community Center Art Class by Feb. 15th.

For the “Notes” section of your board, create a system where family members can jot down a missed phone call, reminder or other request. Keep it current by erasing items when they are complete.

For our family, the Family Calendar has allowed us to feel like we are working together instead of vying for time apart. Every member’s needs are taken into consideration as we work to manage our time in a respectful way. This teaches important relationship skills to kids like teamwork and communication. It also makes it easier to track where your time is going and prioritize when you feel overwhelmed. And scheduling all-family events on the calendar helps you reserve time together, a precious gift!

How do you coordinate your own family’s scheduling needs?