My toddler has a wooden train set with many pieces - tracks, tunnels, magnetic trains. This morning, he dragged the little box down to the carpet and invited me to “play trains.” As we began to clip the piece together, I noticed myself thinking ahead. What is the best way to build the train so that we use all the tracks and it clips in a neat circle? Will we finish it before I need to leave for work in 30 minutes?

But he was only enjoying the experience of moving the tracks around. He took several minutes to consider where he wanted to place one set of tracks, not even thinking about how it would look when he was done. As I watched the train set evolve, I felt some worry about how it was going in two directions like long snake rather than a nice, even circle. How would the train drive around these tracks?

He yelled when I went to move some tracks, explaining to him that they would work better in another direction. “No, this way!” he insisted.

The train never came together before I left for work. It was a long, strangely shaped set of tracks, leading to nowhere. But, he didn’t care. He gleefully drove the trains over the tracks and crashed them into a pile when the track ended. “Bang!” he exclaimed.

As I was driving to work, I thought about the beauty of living this way. What if I just enjoyed myself in whatever I was doing without being so concerned about whether I was doing it “right” or if it would end up the way I intended?

For my son, the end result was playful and fun. He made a creative mess out of his trains and completely enjoyed the 20 minutes of building the tracks.

As adults, we live in a culture that demands that we think ahead, plan every moment and make sure we are meeting expectations (ours and those of everyone around us). And often we do need to focus and be productive. But as parents, we have these small little teachers to remind us to relax and enjoy the journey too. They certainly enjoy us more when we do.

What can you enjoy today without worrying about the outcome?

Mamas, you all know the airline industry adage “put the oxygen mask on yourself first”? While it may be important during a plane crash to remain conscious in order to take care of your kids, in everyday life it's equally important!

Often, this idea goes against our instincts. In an emergency, our first thoughts of course would be for the safety and well-being of our children. Likewise, most parents instinctively put their children and loved ones first.

But the truth inside this message is that if you are not taking good care of yourself, you just won’t have much to give your children, or anyone else for that matter.

You know how you feel when you are not taking care of yourself! Grumpy, exhausted and easily frustrated. You aren’t able to be as present and loving with your family as you would like to be. Your mind races through the lists of things you need to get done - and all you may want to do is hide under the covers.

Now think about how you feel when you are taking care of yourself. Typically, you will have more energy and attention to give your family. The quality of your time with your loved ones is more enjoyable, for everyone. You just seem to be able to get more done, even when you have less time. You are clear-headed and able to be creative (rather than reactive) with your kids.

So, what does taking care of yourself mean for you? If you were going to nourish yourself so you have more to give your loved ones, what would you change?

We all have different needs when it comes to self-care. For some mamas it means having regular time alone, for others it might mean keeping up with personal care appointments that support health (like yoga or massage therapy) and for some of us it means just getting enough rest.

Do you love to read but never make the time? Is exercise important for your health but you are too tired to fit it in at the end of your day? Do you know that you would feel better if you ate healthier meals but don’t always have time to prepare them?

What have you been neglecting that would give you more energy?

This year on Mother’s Day, make a promise to yourself to make a habit of putting that oxygen mask on regularly! Your family will thank you!

Are you overcommitted? Do you often feel exhausted and resentful? As a busy parent, you might be happier and have more harmony in your life if you master the art of saying "No" gracefully.

Why is it so hard to say no? Many of us grew up learning that our value is measured by our usefulness to others. Because we are relational beings, we do want to contribute to the people in our lives. But, remember, when you are burnt out, you are less present and have less to give. By learning to say no when you really don’t have the energy or attention (or desire) to do something, you will be able to give more when you say yes!

Five reasons saying no can be so difficult

• We don’t want to disappoint others. Often, saying no means that we are not meeting someone else’s expectation of us.


• We have trained the people in our lives to expect us to always say yes. In doing so, we are worried our relationships will change if we say no.


• We want to be loved, accepted and respected. Because we often measure our own value by what we give to those in our lives, it can be easy to over-give, especially if our self-esteem is challenged.


• We are givers by nature. While this is a great quality, we just need to learn how to give to ourselves too! In doing so, sometimes saying no to others is appropriate.


• We never learned to say no. Many of us lack role models in our lives who are comfortable saying no. Because of this, we don’t know how to say no lovingly.

Which of the above reasons are true for you? Identifying what gets in your way of being comfortable with saying no is the first step to shifting this dynamic.

Five steps to help you no gracefully

1. Always say, “Let me get back to you,” when you know the answer is not an absolute yes. This will help you break the habit of saying yes without thinking about it first. And it gives you some time to consider your options and approach.


2. Check in with yourself to see how much you really want to say yes. Ask yourself this question: “If I knew that it wouldn’t upset anyone, would I say no?”


3. Make sure you feel clear before giving your answer. When you feel guilty or conflicted, the other person easily picks up on it.


4. Keep your answer simple and don’t over-explain yourself. Speak about your needs and feelings. “Being on the committee sounds like a fun opportunity, but I really need to spend more time with my family on the weekends, so I am going to pass.” It often helps other people to understand your reason for no when you share with them what you are saying yes to instead (more time with the family, better self-care…)


5. You may be able to say no and still help in another way: Offer to help brainstorm about who else might be able fill the request or other resources that would support the person who is hearing your no.

Would you rather people do things with you or for you because they feel obligated or feel guilty? Or would you rather them only say yes if they truly have the time and energy to do so?

If the latter (and I'm guessing that's you!), then give the same gift to the people in your life.